January 31, 2018


Omarosa Manigault Newman, the onetime reality star-turned-politico, is going back to her roots. The former Diet Coke getter for President Waco von Jonestown is the latest to join a cast of D-list actors and has-beens on Celebrity Big Brother.


It’s been a wild ride for Omarosa, whom we first met in 2004 as the evil villain in The Apprentice. Omarosa was cunning, conniving and treacherously deceitful. Ultimately she was fired from the show but never lost her cunning, conniving and treacherously deceitful ways.


It was these character traits that made her endearing to the orange-tinged KFC-grease stain in office. Her closeness with Seitan (he’s like a vegan version of Satan) allowed her to be picked for the prime position of director of communications for the Office of Public Liaison for the Trump administration. (I jokingly, semiseriously believe that in this role, Omarosa was responsible for driving to Costco to purchase the president’s trough of Diet Cokes, but if anyone knows what Omarosa did with this title, please leave it in the comments.)


And then she was fired, again. And now, like a fat NBA player who’s bounced around the league, Omarosa is returning to her roots and will hopefully retire her jersey. I don’t know how far the sunken place fall is, but apparently, for Omarosa the drop is bottomless. 


I’m also completely confused because the show is called “Celebrity” Big Brother, yet the list of houseguests includes a whole bunch of people whom no one has heard of, like Ariadna Gutiérrez, Brandi Lynn Glanville, James Maslow, Marissa Jaret Winokur and Ross Mathews. The show will also include moderately famous folks: Metta World Peace, Mark McGrath and Rudy from The Cosby Show.


This is going to be disastrous and I can’t wait to watch it, because there is nothing like witnessing the moment people realize that this might be the worst career decision of their lives. Hopefully it means that this is the last we’ve seen of anyone taking Omarosa remotely seriously. 

But something tells me it won’t be. 




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